ADDvantageForLife Blog

Today is Teacher Appreciation Day here in the states.  It’s a day when we can all have a reason to stop and say thank you.  Thank you for all the things they do throughout the year to help our kids grow and learn.  Thank you for the little ways they help our children to become better people.

Now, this can present an interesting challenge for parents of kids with ADHD.  Oftentimes we are so involved in the struggles with our kids’ teachers that we do not want to think about thanking them.  It can seem like all they do is cause us more struggles and stress.  They give us headaches, complain about our kids, don’t help them the way we think they should.  Why is it you should thank them again?

Because of all the other things they do that we overlook the rest of the year!  They dedicate their days (and their nights and weekends) to helping our kids learn.  They grade papers, teach social etiquette, referee disagreements on the playground, run interference with the administration, and overall they care about our kids.

It is so easy to lose sight of that amidst all of the disagreements we may have throughout the year.  Make sure you take advantage of the days that are set aside to help us remember to be grateful.  Help your kids find a way to say thanks with you.  Here are some quick ideas:

·         Help your kids make a beautiful handmade cards to say thank you

·         Have your child write down things their teacher has helped them learn (if they’re in fourth grade, write down four things)

·         Give them a candle to use whenever they have quiet time alone

·         Get them a fun book for teachers (there are a lot of great ones out there!)

These are just a few small ideas of things you and your kids can do to say thank you!  Let me know how it goes, and what other unique ways you find to appreciate your child’s teacher.

You may not know it, but this week marks the 20^th anniversary of National SAFE Kids Week, a week dedicated to reducing the number of accidental deaths among our children.  Did you know that accidental injuries remain the number one cause of death in children 14 and under?  The good news is that the number has dropped 45% since 1987, but there is still a long ways to go.

The real reason this caught my attention is because I started thinking about the number of accidental injuries my kids have had.  Having a child with ADHD means there are often times more injuries, certainly more preventable injuries.  Did you know my daughter once broke her arm by running head strong into a brick wall?  Nope, this is not a joke!  She really did.  She was racing someone for a ball, the other kid slowed down when approaching the wall, and my daughter got the ball…right before running into the wall and breaking her elbow.   (Trust me, this is one of many stories about my kids’ injuries.  *SIGH*)

Urgent care was quite impressed.  The orthopedic surgeon was amused.  And my daughter?  Well, she was just happy she got to the ball first!

I’m curious.  Do any of you have interesting injury stories you can share?  Have your kids “won” at something, only to go to the doctor, urgent care, or E.R. immediately afterward?  Drop a line and let me know your most entertaining ADHD injury story!

*Next time, we’ll talk about how to prevent those injuries!

So, today was my dad’s birthday (my step-father, Brucie, really, but those are just the details).  He turned 77.  He looks and acts amazing for his age.  But, because he is not at all 77 in my mind, his birthday got me thinking a lot about time, ages, and years.  And one of the most important lessons he ever taught me.

As I sat there and watched my 10 year old (ADHD poster child) blow on her cake to see if it would move (I was afraid to ask any more questions), I realized that these moments, yes, all of them, are the things our memories are made of.  One of the really neat things about ADHD is that it tends to make our memories a little more off the wall, slightly more bizarre than others may have, but I think that makes them all the more valuable.

It is so easy, well, almost necessary, to be fed up with our children’s quirks and uniqueness.  In fact, society damn near requires that we conform and express disapproval of our kids behaviors.  But I say it is even more important, for our kids and society, to embrace their quirks.  Watch their odd behavior in wonder.  Remember the days when you were not squashed by all the rules.  When you could just enjoy being you.

It is still important to teach our kids how and when to conform to certain standards (it is important to say excuse me when you are interrupting), but maybe it’s not as important as we are pushed to believe.  Maybe, though convenient to conform, it is critical that we allow our children their own personalities. 

So tonight, in honor of my dad (the one who taught me that it is more important to accept yourself than worry about others accepting you) give your kids a hug for who they are.  Allow yourself a few minutes to just watch them in wonder.  Enjoy who they are and let them enjoy who they are.  And give them the gift Brucie gave me.  The gift of self-acceptance.

Happy Birthday Brucie!!!  We love you!

Okay, so I couldn’t close out this blog without letting you in on a little secret.  When I was a kid, Brucie came to see me at a school sporting event.  I was never the most popular kid (are any of us really?) and was really hoping he could make it.  I will never forget.  I had just landed from doing the high jump, rolled onto my side to crawl off the pad and saw him walking. 

He made it.  How cool.  Then I saw it.  The most hideous thing I had ever seen.  He was wearing a sign around his neck saying “I belong to Tracy Hoobyar.”  Yes, no joke.  4th grade.  Not the most popular (not the least, but just “average”).  And my step-dad shows up wearing a sign around his neck claiming me!  I couldn’t even say I didn’t know him.  I mean, Are You Kidding Me?!

Well, now, a quarter century later, that hideous thing taught me a lesson I struggle to teach my children and every child I meet.  Never be embarrassed by who you are or by those you love (or by anything for that matter.  But that’s a different blog.)  I am not embarrassed.  My kids aren’t.  And I hope you are able to live a life without embarrassment.  It’s one of the most liberating things you can ever teach, or learn.  Be proud!

Thank You Brucie!

How many times do you go through the day, and at the end of the day realize you didn’t get done half of what you intended?  But, how could that be possible, you were doing stuff all day!  This is a very common problem, for everyone.  Especially for people with ADHD.

Don’t feel bad, this doesn’t mean that you are not doing something right, or that you will never figure it out, even though you have tried EVERY personal productivity solution out there!  It just means you didn’t figure it out today.  But hold on, there is hope.

For those of us with ADHD there are a few reasons that we don’t get done what we would like.  Among them are:

·         Setting unrealistically high expectations

·         Working in environments that are not conducive to us getting the most work done (traditional settings are often quite challenging for ADDers)

·         Being easily distracted

·         Not effectively prioritizing our daily activities at the beginning of the day

·         Because we tend to work from the whole picture down to the pieces, it can be hard to figure out where to start on a particular task

Though each of these reasons, and there are more, deserve, in fact, require, their own solution and attention, there are a few things you can do to help things improve.

First, try to be realistic in your expectations of yourself.  If you think you already are, you may be right.  Then again, maybe you’re not.  Try taking your expectations of when a certain project will be done, and giving yourself and extra 10%, to allow for unexpected surprises (you know the ones, the kitchen sink overflows, flooding the kitchen, or the microwave catches on fire when your pre-teen inadvertently puts metal in there).  This can be very helpful in allowing yourself to give yourself a break!

Try to be in control of your environment.  If you work best with a little background noise but your office is constantly silent, try an iPod.  Listening to background music can help tune out the little noises that so often pull our attention away from the task at hand (just make sure it’s not your favorite music.  Singing along to the lyrics at work could be bad.  Funny, but bad).

Next Monday I will address some of the other challenges to getting our daily lists done.  And keep an eye out for an upcoming announcement that will help you clear that age-old to do list!

Have you seen the results of a new study in Tokyo about the mothering instinct and whether or not it is biological?  Researchers used functional MRIs to look at the activity in a mother’s brain when shown pictures of children that are happy and in distress.  What is most interesting in their study is the finding that a mother’s brain activity is actually markedly different when shown images of their own baby in distress (crying for their mothers) than it is when they see pictures of other babies.

This is not to say that moms don’t react when they see other babies in distress, but it seems significant that their brain activity is increased when they are shown images of their own children upset.  This raises the question “Is the maternal instinct hard-wired into our brain?” 

There’s not enough information yet to make that assumption, but it certainly does open up the possibility.  Now, no studies have been done yet on fathers, though I’m sure those will come in time. 

What is interesting to me about this particular study and the possible implications of it is a question I am often asked.  “How do I explain this to my husband?  I understand what ADHD is, but my husband doesn’t believe it.”  Or he doesn’t accept it, or he doesn’t understand it, or he won’t acknowledge it.  The list goes on.  So, this recent study brings about the question, do we as mothers understand simply because we are hard-wired to understand and feel our children’s pain?  Or are we more understanding than our male counterparts?  Or does it simply seem that way?

Ok, she did it!  My oldest daughter and her team have won their region We The People competition.  This competition is national in scope, and starts out in regional competitions.  They must prepare 4 minute testimony, or papers, on a particular question having to do with American Government and present them in front of a panel of judges.  Then they must endure and successfully answer 6 minutes of detailed questioning. 

Now, the subject matter is EXTREMELY detailed, and quite frankly over my head (history and government were not my strong subjects).  And, their judges were very influential people.  Local judges, politicians, educators and administrators of the local college.  These kids held their own against some very tough questioning.

So they are going to the state competition in February.  They will be presenting and competing at our State Legislature against schools from all over our state.  It is very exciting and very nerve racking.  Now, the poor kids won’t be relaxing over the winter vacation as much as they had expected too.  But they say it’s worth it.

Anyway, in honor of their win I have decided to do something different, something unexpected, something that will help your children begin the road to realize the same kind of successes other students are seeing.  So, here’s what I am doing:

I will be giving away two two-month scholarships to The Tutoring Club at TheADDEdge.com!  That’s right, two two-month memberships, complete with everything a regular paid membership would include.  You will get the initial consultation, intake interview, report, and two months of the Silver level of The Tutoring Club membership!

This is truly a rare opportunity to utilize the services The Tutoring Club has to offer and see the benefits first hand, and it will all be on me!

I hope you’ve had a chance to look at The Tutoring Club page at TheADDEdge.com.  It is an amazing new program that will help transform your student’s studies.  It will help change the way you relate to your student regarding their grades.  It will make a huge difference in all of your lives!

How can you take advantage of this awesome opportunity?  It’s actually very simple.  Just post a reply to this message stating why you think you should be awarded the two month scholarship.  What do you hope to gain from the service, and how will you and your child benefit from this opportunity.

All entries will be evaluated by the team of tutors at The Tutoring Club.  All entries must be posted by 1 p.m. Pacific Standard Time on Tuesday, December 18, 2007.  Winners will be announced at 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time on Wednesday, December 19, 2007.

Entries will be judged based on need, honesty, vision and goals, as well as unique situations that may be present.  Enter today, and Wednesday you may be a winner!

So I was reading a new article on WebMD today about the cardiac effects (or lack thereof) of stimulant medications on our children and I saw, embedded in one of the later paragraphs, a surprising statistic! 

Did you know that 1.5 million adults are now taking stimulant medications for ADHD, and 10% of those adults are over age 50?!  I was shocked.  I had no idea that it was so prevelant, and more importantly diagnosed, in adults now.  Then I realized I had mixed feelings about this.

I am glad that adults struggling with ADHD are getting diagnosed, this has been a challenge for a long time.  I think it is good that people, particularly in the medical field, are recognizing that a lot of adults live with the ADHD brain style as well as children.

On the flip side I am a little concerned.  There are documented findings showing adverse side effects of stimulant medications, and many of those can be more dangerous for adults.  In fact, studies have shown a 5 point increase in blood pressure when on these meds.  While 5 points might not be a big deal for kids, or some adults, for others it can be a very big deal.

You know, one of the challenges I see for ADHD in our kids is that they have this particular brain style, one that does not work so well with the traditional school setting.  However, as an adult I have found that life allows us to adjust a little bit easier than our children can.  We can make things fit us a little better, find ways to make ourselves more effective.

So, I thought I’d ask your opinion.  If you could go to this pageand take this survey then I will post the answers here.  From this information we will all be able to get a better handle on exactly how adult ADHD affects society.  Talk to you soon!

I guess it is slightly comforting to know that it is not just in the US, or Europe, or Africa that parents are having trouble with the school districts.  Now, I would never wish trouble for anyone, especially not when trying to raise their children.  But it is reassuring to know that this is a problem across the globe.

I don’t know if you have heard, but there is a father and his 14 year old son in Australiai that are suing the boy’s school district for failing to teach him.  He is now in high school and has been found to be a good five years behind his peers.  His father had asked for help repeatedly throughout the boy’s time in school, but to no avail.

I just found this interesting.  It let me know that it is not just our school district, not just our children, not just us.  It is everywhere.  I was reminded that perhaps one of the most important roles we play as a parent is that of advocate for our child.

We must never give up or be quieted.  It is imperative that we make sure we are doing what is best for our children.  We must share this passion with our educators.  They do want to help, often times they are not given the resources to do so.  We must help them find them.

We can do this.  If we keep our wits about us we can focus on what matters most, and that is raising happy, healthy kids who will contribute to society.  We need to work together to do this.  Remember, just as our children are doing the best they can, so are our educators.  Let’s help them help our kids.  Let’s share with them the things we learn about our children and ADHD.  Let’s make a change!

Well, we made it through Thanksgiving, the turkey, the potatoes, the family.  Oh my!  And it was a family holiday as usual, a test to see who was the most comfortable with not talking, as the rest of the table continued to interrupt each other.  The kids were fairly well behaved.  They actually love being able to sit at a separate table.  I remember being a kid and not liking the kids’ table, but I guess things change.  Their separate table is in the same room, just removed slightly from the rest of us.  I think they enjoy not having to sit quietly while the adults talk endlessly, they just want to talk about the latest gossip from Hollywood!

So anyway, I was really working on figuring out how to keep them involved and busy during the morning of my cooking.  If I just encouraged them to stay away there would inevitably be fights throughout the day.  If I told them to go play, I’d be making a trip to the emergency room before I even took the turkey out of the oven, guaranteed!  What did I do?  I put them to work.

I made it fun, and we sang and cooked, but they were busy, industrious, and felt a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.  They stuffed the turkey, cut the vegetables, peeled potatoes, calculated cooking times, basically they made Thanksgiving dinner with a little adult supervision.  Their pride as people were thanking me for dinner and I was pointing out that they had made this and that was fantastic!  Our dinner was great, prep time was calm, and the girls enjoyed the whole day!  A fantastic Thanksgiving day in my book.

Well, I always seem to learn new things I am thankful for!  I hope you were able to take some time to reflect on all that you have to be thankful for, and remember to take the opportunity to tell those you love what they mean to you!

~Stay Strong

Tracy

With Thanksgiving right around the corner here in the United States, I thought it was time to share some of the reasons I am thankful for having ADHD in my life, so here they are:

I can do more than most!  While I see some of my counterparts struggling to get their to do lists complete during the course of a regular day, I find I can finish my list, and oftentimes someone else’s too, and have time to spare.  The only catch is finding that darn to do list in the first place!

I am very energetic.  I can buzz around like nobody’s business.  My family sometimes gets tired just watching me.  Rather than watching a movie for 2 hours and getting nothing done, I can get entire rooms cleaned on one commercial break.  I just have to get motivated to do it first!

My kids can be very spontaneous!  They can decide to do something, and rather than sitting and planning forever, without ever putting anything into action, they can get it done quickly!  Whether it’s that $25 they want to earn for the new shirt or the new pet they want, they have an amazing ability to make things happen.  If only I could get them to stop running towards walls without thinking about it first.  (Nope, I’m not kidding!)

We are all very committed.  Once we make a decision to do something, it gets done.  Some people may call it stubborn, but I like to call it committed.

I am very creative.  I may not always feel creative, I mean, I don’t think I could draw my way out of a wet paper bag.  However, I must admit, I tend to come up with solutions that most “normal” people would never even consider possible!  Good or bad, it is the truth.

We are all open and not into secrets.  Whether the cause of this particular attribute is dedication, belief, or simply not paying enough attention to be able to remember the secrets, it certainly simplifies life quite a bit!

I am loyal, sometimes to a fault.  Once you have earned my respect and loyalty you will always have it.  Some people say I am just to “committed” to know when to let go, but I say I am just the most loyal person you will ever meet.

So, there you have.  The 7 things I am most grateful for about ADHD, at least today.  The 7 may change from day to day, some moving up on the list, others moving down, but one thing remains the same, I am always grateful for some things about ADHD and what it offers to my life.

What are you most thankful for?