Have you seen this new study?
Have you seen the results of a new study in Tokyo about the mothering instinct and whether or not it is biological? Researchers used functional MRIs to look at the activity in a mother’s brain when shown pictures of children that are happy and in distress. What is most interesting in their study is the finding that a mother’s brain activity is actually markedly different when shown images of their own baby in distress (crying for their mothers) than it is when they see pictures of other babies.
This is not to say that moms don’t react when they see other babies in distress, but it seems significant that their brain activity is increased when they are shown images of their own children upset. This raises the question “Is the maternal instinct hard-wired into our brain?”
There’s not enough information yet to make that assumption, but it certainly does open up the possibility. Now, no studies have been done yet on fathers, though I’m sure those will come in time.
What is interesting to me about this particular study and the possible implications of it is a question I am often asked. “How do I explain this to my husband? I understand what ADHD is, but my husband doesn’t believe it.” Or he doesn’t accept it, or he doesn’t understand it, or he won’t acknowledge it. The list goes on. So, this recent study brings about the question, do we as mothers understand simply because we are hard-wired to understand and feel our children’s pain? Or are we more understanding than our male counterparts? Or does it simply seem that way?
My ex-husband does not agree with our son’s ADHD diagnosis, but neither do many other people in my family. My Grandmother won’t accept it and does not like the idea of medicating for it. Which is altogether different topic. But, I just wanted to say that it isn’t just dad’s who don’t understand ADHD. I just think ADHD has gotten a bad rap and people don’t want to believe it’s possible because then it’s out of their control maybe? It’s just easier to deny it? I know for my ex-husband, he didn’t want to accept that something might be “wrong” with his child.
Hi, thank you for sharing your post with me, I enjoyed it and can relate because I am a 42 year old woman who was diagnosed six years ago with ADD. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was five and then diagnosed with a mood disorder when he was nine. The criteria is similar for both.
My husband was in denial for a very long time. I think men in general don’t like to think there could be anything wrong with their children. Most men can’t handle anything out of the norm. And as mothers I think we do connect with our children on a different level. Just remember that you are your child’s best advocate and with you by his or her side he will go far. My son wouldn’t be where he’s at today if he didn’t have me.
What frustrates me the most is how this disorder got out of hand. I teach preschool and as soon as a child is a little hyperactive someone will say “I think he’s ADHD” there’s more to ADD then hyperactivity and it is a real disorder.
Paperspoons, your family needs to understand what goes on in your son’s head. Not every ADD-er is the same remember that. The whole thinking process is different. We, Adder’s, don’t process information the same way. So when you son asks you to repeat yourself or he doesn’t understand something or doesn’t follow directions the right way don’t get upset with him, he probably can’t. School will be tuff and will seem like he’s not as bright as the other children, that’s not the case. If he gets the right help he’ll succeed. I didn’t. Explain it to your family like this, it always helps for me, your brain is like a filing cabinet, when you take in information, it’s sorted into different files for later use. When it’s time to retrieve it, we can’t, it’s no where to be found. It’s there, we learned it but we can’t find it in there. It makes it difficult to take tests, to relay information to a teacher, co-worker or who ever. This is the most difficult deficit I have to deal with and probably the one most people don’t understand. Be patient and don’t give him what he can’t handle. And remember education is the best understanding. There are so many resources out there and maybe if your family new exactly what it was and not just being hyper or not being able to focus because there’s way more to it, they would understand and except it. My husband did.
thank you for letting me vent. that felt good. I very passionate about this subject and I don’t take it very lightly. It frustrates me when people aren’t educated and don’t understand that it’s not these kids fault. It’s not that they don’t want to it’s that they really can’t.
capricorn1966 A freespirited ADDer who enjoys life the only way she knows how.
that was really long, sorry.
Oh, I understand Capricorn. I could have written your post myself. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 15. That was 15 years ago. The thing is they didn’t really accept me for who I was either. They pushed me and angered when I couldn’t do things as they expected me to. I never found someone who could educate me either. My mother expected the school to do it and the school expected my mother to do it…neither one did anything. My mom was too wrapped up in her own world juggling two jobs and going to school part-time. She didn’t have the time or patience to deal with me. I dropped out of high school as a result.
So,I know how tough it is. I still struggle with it daily. I wasn’t hyper though so I think as you said, uneducated as they were, they didn’t agree with the diagnosis and that was that. They thought I didn’t study enough, or I was lazy.
They think my son is just “bored”. I think they are just unwilling to really see it for what it is. They think I’m not a firm enough parent even though they have difficulties with him as well. Anyway, just too much to write about here, but just wanted to respond that I do understand what it’s like to live and struggle with ADHD.
thank you, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
My son in 8 and has just been diagnosed with ADHD. Please understand that I am extremely passionate about this. For almost 9 years I have been telling everyone that will listen that ADHD is a fad and will die off one day to be replaced by something new.
I have a great kid. Many friends, does really well at school (always in the 80@), plays 3 sports…..
Then I get this letter from school. ‘Get your child to a doctor. Now!’ I was shattered. I cried for hours. Who are these people that are seeing a monster where in fact there is only a lovable little boy.
Well, the little boy is still lovable and there but mom has to come to terms with accepting that he is different and learn how to get the best out of him.
My worst is that the chance is pretty great that he may have to go on meds. What I have read about that is absolutely scary. How do you put your child on drugs that can alter his personality????
Does anyone have words of comfort for me?