Happy Birthday to a Great Role Model of Self Acceptance!

So, today was my dad’s birthday (my step-father, Brucie, really, but those are just the details).  He turned 77.  He looks and acts amazing for his age.  But, because he is not at all 77 in my mind, his birthday got me thinking a lot about time, ages, and years.  And one of the most important lessons he ever taught me.

As I sat there and watched my 10 year old (ADHD poster child) blow on her cake to see if it would move (I was afraid to ask any more questions), I realized that these moments, yes, all of them, are the things our memories are made of.  One of the really neat things about ADHD is that it tends to make our memories a little more off the wall, slightly more bizarre than others may have, but I think that makes them all the more valuable.

It is so easy, well, almost necessary, to be fed up with our children’s quirks and uniqueness.  In fact, society damn near requires that we conform and express disapproval of our kids behaviors.  But I say it is even more important, for our kids and society, to embrace their quirks.  Watch their odd behavior in wonder.  Remember the days when you were not squashed by all the rules.  When you could just enjoy being you.

It is still important to teach our kids how and when to conform to certain standards (it is important to say excuse me when you are interrupting), but maybe it’s not as important as we are pushed to believe.  Maybe, though convenient to conform, it is critical that we allow our children their own personalities. 

So tonight, in honor of my dad (the one who taught me that it is more important to accept yourself than worry about others accepting you) give your kids a hug for who they are.  Allow yourself a few minutes to just watch them in wonder.  Enjoy who they are and let them enjoy who they are.  And give them the gift Brucie gave me.  The gift of self-acceptance.

Happy Birthday Brucie!!!  We love you!

 

Okay, so I couldn’t close out this blog without letting you in on a little secret.  When I was a kid, Brucie came to see me at a school sporting event.  I was never the most popular kid (are any of us really?) and was really hoping he could make it.  I will never forget.  I had just landed from doing the high jump, rolled onto my side to crawl off the pad and saw him walking. 

He made it.  How cool.  Then I saw it.  The most hideous thing I had ever seen.  He was wearing a sign around his neck saying “I belong to Tracy Hoobyar.”  Yes, no joke.  4th grade.  Not the most popular (not the least, but just “average”).  And my step-dad shows up wearing a sign around his neck claiming me!  I couldn’t even say I didn’t know him.  I mean, Are You Kidding Me?!

Well, now, a quarter century later, that hideous thing taught me a lesson I struggle to teach my children and every child I meet.  Never be embarrassed by who you are or by those you love (or by anything for that matter.  But that’s a different blog.)  I am not embarrassed.  My kids aren’t.  And I hope you are able to live a life without embarrassment.  It’s one of the most liberating things you can ever teach, or learn.  Be proud!

Thank You Brucie!